2006 NBA Finals Preview
I’m sure by now that everyone is sick and tired of reading all of the NBA Finals previews and predictions.  Well we here at fourballs, hope you have the stomach to read one more.  In fact we insist you read one more.  Like a great politician, fourballs will stay on the fence and present three reasons why each team WON’T win the NBA Championship. Dallas 1. Dirk Nowitzki is a drunk.  Remember those pictures a few years ago of Nowitzki and then teammate Steve Nash drunk at a bar with some friends?  How ever will Nowitzki resist temptation and stay away from the bars?  With all the great bars in Miami, Nowitzki has no chance.  Remember, this is the team that drafted that Drunk Roy Tarpley, so there’s a history here. 2. Keith Van Horn.  If you’re looking for reason to root against this guy, here’s one, he’s a Mormon.  This guy has been an absolute bust in the pros.  I know Mormon’s like to tithe (for all of you uneducated readers that means to give 10% of all of your money to the church), but I don’t think they meant they he had to give up 10% of his talent.   Obviously he’s a good Mormon, because he gave 10% and kept on giving. 3. Too many names I can’t pronounce.  Dirk Nowitzki, DeSagana Diop, Pavel Podkolzin, DJ Mbenga, and Rawle Marshall (and yes, I did have to look all of those names up and yes, that is really how they spell them).  I think next year they should make the final round of the National Spelling Bee Contest a quick run down the roster of the Mavs.  If they run out of names they could even throw in Erick Dampier.  I guarantee that would knock a few of those snot nosed brats out quick. Miami 1. Too many ex-Celtics.  Any team that has clubhouse cancers Antoine Walker and Gary Payton will never win.  One more ex-Boston athlete and they could start calling themselves the Los Angeles Dodgers. 2. Pat Riley.  There’s no way this guy can make the critical decisions in crunch time to win a game.  Not at his age.  Rumor has it that he came over on the Mayflower with Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden.  Riley is the only coach in the NBA that has to call a timeout to change his adult diaper. 3. Jason Williams.  The blackest white man in the world running the point at the most critical time of the game.  Any guy with this much of an identity crisis has no chance to make sane and rational decisions.  How many times do you think Shaq has threatened to kill Williams if he calls him “Bro” or “Big Black Genie” one more time? All right, now for our prediction of who WILL win: Miami in six.  The “Curse of Roy Tarpley” lives!
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