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| Special Features | Base Hits | |||||||||||||||||||
| Sports BLOG: Updated 4/1/08 | Chris Webber Calls His Final Time Out | |||||||||||||||||||
| An NFL Erotic Story | For the latest in sports humor: This ain't your nad's sports website | |||||||||||||||||||
| The "BALL BAG" | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Best of Fourballs: Year Two | ** All information and quoted statements found on this satirical website are purely fictional and are not intended to offend or slander ** | Fans Across Nation Looking Forward to Ignoring Least-Exciting March Madness Finals Ever | ||||||||||||||||||
| Best of Fourballs: Year One | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 06 March Madness Awards Nite Pics | See what our fans are saying! - "The best free, on-line, hack, sports comedy rag on the net." | |||||||||||||||||||
| …More Features! | ||||||||||||||||||||
| This Week's Top Stories | Fourballs' Writers Now Making As Much Money As Barry Bonds Does | |||||||||||||||||||
| Fourballs' Previews | Fourballs' 2008 MLB Report | |||||||||||||||||||
| 2007 NFL Preview | Patriots Apparently Think They Have Say Over When 'Spygate' Will End | |||||||||||||||||||
| 2007 Year in Sports | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 2006 NFL Preview | Major League Baseball returns in full this week for another exciting season! And as always you can rely on your favorite writers at Fourballs to update you with the most useful information on each team. Here's everything you need to be in-the-know to start the 2008 season! | |||||||||||||||||||
| NHL Playoffs 1st Round Preview | ||||||||||||||||||||
| 2006 NBA Finals Preview | Bill Parcells Votes 847,000 Times in Effort to Get Jason Taylor Booted From 'Dancing With the Stars' | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Miscellaneous Sports Stories | 6th Ball Award To Gags and LaRocque for their NFL Erotic Story. Next week we plan to turn all the lights out and see if we can come up with an issue half as funny as that. |
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| AL
East Boston - Curt Schilling Blogs About How He Isn't Going To Blog Anymore - Manny Ramirez Arrested After Trying To Pee Mid Inning In New Centerfield Restaurant - Yankee Fans Agree It Is A Red Sox Nation As Despair And Foreclosures Continue To Rise In Struggling National Economy New York - Andy Pettite Tells FBI Jason Giambi Cheats On His Taxes, Derek Jeter Parks In Handicapped Spaces, And Hideki Matsui Is A Communist - Mike Mussina Still Tired From Teams 2004 Trip to Japan - Bluefly Fly Paper Signs Joba Chamberlain To Lucrative Endorsement Deal Toronto - Increase In Strength Of Canadian Dollar Prompts Players To Demand A Trade To Blue Jays - Toronto Hospitals Expect Spike In Revenue With Trade For Scott Rolen - Alexis Rios Proves Latino Names Don't Always Translate Well Into English Baltimore - Orioles Embarrassed After Trading For The Wrong Adam Jones, Strippers Disappointed - Elliot Spitzer Shocks No One By Claiming BJ Ryan Is His Favorite Player - Baltimore Waiting To Hang Up 'HGH Free' Sign In Locker Room Until After Brian Roberts Is Traded Tampa Bay - Troy Aikman Thinks Evan Longoria Is Hotter Than Eva Longoria - Rocco Baldelli Promises To Stop Working Out With Ken Griffey Jr. and Mark Prior - Bat Throwing Incidents Down 100% With Trade Of Delmon Young |
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| Moose still tries to catch a nap whenever he can | ||||||||||||||||||||
| AL
Central Detroit - Ordonez Slated to Bat 4th This Season, Mullet to Bat 5th - Fans Hoping Team Plays Well Enough to Make Them Forget They Live in Detroit - Tigers’ Bullpen Offers Advanced Apology to Starting Rotation Cleveland - Grady Sizemore Too Fucking Adorable to Be Made Fun Of - Indians’ Shop Online For New Stadium Name, Go With “Progressive” For Their Superior Rates - Indians Win Home Opener Despite Weather That’s Too Cold For Bugs Chicago - Nick Swisher Hoping Sox’ Pinstripes Will Have a Nice Slimming Effect - Pale Hose Off to a 1-0 Start in Moral Victory Standings - White Sox Lose “Civil Rights Game” to Mets, Now Forced to Pay All Their Black Players Minnesota - Joe Mauer to Play Dylan McKay in Upcoming 90210 Remake - Liriano Assigned To Make Two Minor League Starts Before Re-aggravating His Injury - Twins’ Rebuilding Year Still Expected to Be Better Than Anything The Royals Have to Offer Kansas City - Mike Sweeney’s Departure Leaves No One on Roster You’ve Ever Heard Of - Team To Wear 80’s Throwback Jerseys Complete With Brett and McRae's Names on Back - Manager Trey Hillman Vows Not to Stick to Fundamentals in Desperate Attempt to Try Something New |
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| AL
West Oakland - With Recent Trades Oakland Roster Finally As Depressing As Oakland Coliseum - A's Fans Excited For Start of 4-12 Raiders Season, Just For The Chance To Back a Winner - Eric Chavez Surprises Everyone By Waiting Until The End Of Spring Training To Go On The DL Seattle - Felix Hernandez's Nick Name Changed to "Queen Felix" After Pictures Surface Of Him In Drag - Ichiro Forced To Put Last Name On Jersey Back After BJ Ryan Petitions League For Same Privilege - Richie Sexson Voted Pedophiles Favorite Baseball Player Texas - Josh Hamilton Excited To Compare Texas OxyContin To Cincinnati OxyContin - Texas Rangers Front Office Still Waiting To Receive Memo About How Pitching Wins Championships - Walker Texas Ranger Named Starting Ass Kicker Los Angeles - Vlad Guerrero Begs Someone To Change His Diaper So That He No Longer Runs Like He Has A Load In His Pants - Jered Weaver Proves Everyone Wrong By Showing He's Just As Bad As His Brother Jeff - Torii Hunter Even Thinks Torii Hunter Is Overpaid...And Spells His Name Stupidly |
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| Vlad was slidin' into first and he felt somethin' burst... | ||||||||||||||||||||
| NL
East Atlanta - Bobby Cox’s Corpse to Star in “Weekend at Bernie’s 3: Back to the Bigs”, - Mets’ ’07 Collapse Prompts Glavine to Return to Braves For ‘Thrill’ of Playing in NLDS - Mike Hampton’s Agent Still Smartest in All of Baseball New York - Team Batboys Enjoying Clean Work Environment While Moises Alou is on Disabled List - El Duque Lands on DL After Hitting Self in Face During Wind-up - GM Omar Minaya Buys Tanning Bed For David Wright To Make Him Look More Latino Philadelphia - Team Has High Hopes Brett Myers Will Beat Opponents As Often As He Does Girlfriends in ‘08 - Teammates Report Jamie Moyer’s Jock Smells of Mothballs - Pedro Feliz Pleased to Announce He’s One Happy Peter Washington - Kennedy’s Plead to Have Shitty RFK Stadium Renamed - President Bush Throws Out Inaugural Pitch at New Stadium, Nationals Win Anyway - Elijah Dukes Lands on DL After Injuring His Wife-Beating Shoulder Florida - Marlins Warn Critics That A Playoff Run in 2011 is Not Out of the Question - Hanley Ramirez Sleeps With Owner’s Daughter in Effort to Get Traded to Better Team - Experts Predict Dolphins Stadium Will Be Home to More #1 Draft Picks Than Any Other Park in Sports |
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| NL
Central Chicago - Cubs Promise To Win the World Series Next Century - Chicago Sex Club Renamed After New Outfielder Kosuke Fukudome - Kerry Wood Sets Fourballs Record For Most Injury-Related Base Hits Milwaukee - Brewers' GM Blames Decision To Sign Eric Gagne On TV Being Broken Last Year - Hot Dog, Sausage, Bratwurst Race Times Expected To Drop As Team Reveals Prince Fielder Will Chase Them - Fantasy Owners Hope JJ Hardy's Minor League Stats Count This Year St. Louis - Rick Ankiel Has Elbieow and Shouldier Injuries - Experts Prove Josh Hancock Still Would Have Died If Tony LaRussa Drove Him Home - Albert Pujols Insists He's Never Done Steroids Citing How Many Other 27 Year Olds Have High Grade Tears Of Their Elbow Ligaments Houston - Miguel Tejada Expected To Rebound Due To Proximity Of Houston To Mexican Pharmacies - Most Shocking Spring Training Discovery: Hunter Pence Is White - Kaz Matsui Single Handedly Propels The Phrase "Anal Fissures" Into Popular Culture Cincinnati - Team Renamed "Cincinnati Light" Following The Lead Of Bud And Marlboro - Injury Places Ken Griffey Jr. On "Should Have Retired" List - Bronson Arroyo¹s Latest Contract Gives Him 5 Freshman Girls After Each Game Pittsburgh - Pirates Name Billy Crystal Starting 1B and Clean Up Hitter After Liking What They Saw In Spring Training - Pirates Mascot Declares Wearing Eye Patch Makes Team Only Half As Painful To Watch - One-Year Later Matt Morris Still Laughing About $10 Million Dollar Contract |
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